Marriage isn’t 50/50

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If you don’t know already, my amazing husband started his MBA this last semester. While we are so excited to start this adventure and IMG_0016know that it will be 100% worth it, we have found our schedules have changed quite a bit.
I have always gone on the idea that marriage is 50/50. We each do our part in work, household/yard chores, and relationship stuff. However, through reading “Messy Beautiful Love” By Darlene Schacht I have found out that this not exactly what God called us to do in our marriages.
While many days I feel that our marriage is in deed 50/50, there are plenty of days that I feel stretched thin or I simply place unrealistic expectations on my spouse. Through reading this book I realize that although marriage technically takes two, it is more about serving one another through the sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated. I have to succumb to the fact that my husband will never read my mind. He will never be intricately in tune with my beliefs, emotions, or daily thoughts, however he will provide for my family, do the dirty gross chores, kill spiders, and hug me while I cry for no reason.
During my husband’s first semester in his MBA program this lesson seemed to continuously creep back into my mind. My spouse is tired. He goes to a full-time job, does necessary fixes/chores around the house, listens to me explain every detail of my day, and then spends a minimum of 2 hours on his graduate studies. While I know how hard he works, at times I just expect more. My spouse shows his love through acts of service, which means that if I ask, he will do, 9/10 times. However, I have learned that while I can ask, it doesn’t always mean that I should. Marriage isn’t 50/50. In my marriage it is a supply and demand set up. My husband is silently demanding less obligations and I should supply him with a peaceful home by taking a few minutes to do the dirty dishes alone or make dinner without asking for assistance.
God calls us to serve one another. He desires us to seek Him first and to love each other as Christ loved us. My husband goes above and beyond and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I need to not ask for anything more from him and instead DO more FOR him. I need to extend grace just as I hope that he extends grace to me when I’m overwhelmed.

Living Satisfied

Check out more: One Year in my Marriage    Packing my husband’s lunch Part 2   50 Shades of Grey

Note: Of course I will add that my view of marriage is limited to my experiences and what I have observed, so I can really only speak about myself and my own marriage. I am not stating that a spouse should carry the weight of the whole marriage or that he or she should stay in a abusive relationship.

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