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I can’t count the amount of things that you do right. You serve me daily and would drop anything to be by my side. During this season of our life things are changing quickly and unfortunately for the both of us my hormones are just about everywhere. I’ve quickly become uncomfortable, insecure about my body, and simply am not able to do tasks as I used to.
More than ever I hope that during this time you and I can change and mold together and that our communication can grow stronger. During this season I am having to learn how to ask for help and learn how to support you in different ways. My goal in this letter is to give a little insight into my needs at this time and I hope that you can share with me how I can better serve you as well. This letter’s intent is to ease your mind. As a man you are built to serve, problem solve, and support your family. As a woman I am built to be serve, submit, and support my husband. While I feel as though we have been doing a great job at this, it is time to mold these actions into our new life as a family of 3.
Here are 4 items that I feel are important. I hope that after reading these you can let me know how to best support you as well.
1) Speak my love language and often: This has never been so incredibly important. While you have done a great job of this while being my husband, I really need some extra love. I’m having a hard time keeping my spirits up and while my Bible and God are a great help, it is really appreciated when YOU show me love through my own love language. I know this isn’t always easy for you, but here are a few things you can do.
My love language: Words of affirmation and gifts
- Text me often while you are away and tell me sweet things.
- Leave notes for me even if it is via e-mail
- Tell me I look good even though I haven’t showered in 3 days.
- Purchase some small cheap gifts for me occasionally such as food, flowers, lotion, items for a bath, etc…
note: find your love language here! CLICK HERE
2) Help around the house: At our house we have a terribly long list of items that need to be fixed, remodeled, etc… while those are really important and need to get done I sometimes just need you to vacuum the floors, clean the toilet, or do the dishes. I hate that I am not able to keep up with the house as I used to for you, however there are some days that it is really hard to simply get out of bed or touch my toes. Let’s plan out a schedule of house fixes/remodels so that it isn’t too overwhelming for you. At the same time maybe we can break up the household chores or work on doing them together. I promise to communicate my expectations if you promise to let me know what is feasible and what is not.
3) Rub my back and feet: I know you don’t mind doing this occasionally, but more than ever it makes a huge difference to my tired back and feet. Not only is there strain on my body simply by carrying the baby, but I’m sleeping weird, walking weird, and can’t work out/stretch like I used to. Even a 5 minute massage before bed can make a huge difference for this ever-growing pregnant lady. Maybe we could even take turns?
4) Be patient: I truly can’t control all these emotions. I have cried over really small items quite a bit already. I give you permission to let me be sad, mad, and frustrated. I know this is a confusing thing for you as the husband. Your desire to want to help and fix what ever you can is admirable, but right now I just need to feel these emotions. For me, sometimes I just need you to sit and listen. The logical side of me knows how to troubleshoot the issue, but the emotional side just has the upper hand. Right now I just need to be able to feel these emotions without being judged.
Here are some things to do during the time I ask for supported emotional time.
- All these emotions already embarrass me because I know they are illogical so if I ask to be alone let me. It isn’t that I don’t want you or need you, so if you can stay close by that would be nice. If I really start to cry sit beside me, hand me tissues, and just let me cry it out.
- Try to do things that will ease my stress during times of tears or frustration like doing some laundry, making dinner, or any other chores. Running out for a treat never hurts either.
- Don’t worry about fixing the problem right then and there. This maybe the hardest part for you as the husband because you are always the first to volunteer to try to make me feel better or punch someone who is mean to me. If I’m mad or frustrated give me space to cool down. Do the tasks that need to be done and just try to show me love through my love language.
Bonus tip…Pray: Pray for me and the baby often. Pray for us in your private time and out loud in front of us. During this time I don’t need a grand prayer just prayer in general. If you can’t think of what to say, you can always offer to read the Bible to me or part of a devotional.
I love you dearly and I hope these tips will help you navigate this stage of having an emotional pregnant wife.
You’re the best,